Now I can never ever tell him
by Questess
Summary: Shin gets a loveletter from a girl and Sakuraba accidentally lets his feelings show more than he intended [SakurabaxShin]
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Now I can never ever tell him  
**Rating**: T (I think, I haven't really figured out the rating system yet but better to be on the safe side)  
**Pairings**: SakurabaxShin  
**Spoilers**: None really, yet anyway  
**Warnings**: Yaoi? Umm...  
**Comments**: Not really certain if I should continue this or not, but I just might because I feel so sorry for Sakuraba leaving it like this. Also, there's a huge lack of ShinxSakurabaxShin fics in existance so one more probably can't hurt :)

They were alone in the lockerroom after a long and intense practise. Even though he was really tired, Sakuraba felt content about finally having made a lot of progress. It was as though he got noticeably better after every practise and more in synch with his teammates. Today, even Shin had praised him about his progress which had felt more special than anything, especially because he knew that if Shin said he had gotten better, he really had. He would never say such a thing just to make Sakuraba feel better about himself, like Takami tended to do at times. He cast a glance over at Shin who was sitting on the bench next to the one he himself was sitting on, feeling a mild curiosity over why he hadn't gotten ready and left as quickly as he usually did. Shin appeared to be holding a small note in his hands, reading it over and over.

"Eh, what do you have there?" Sakuraba scooted over to Shin's bench and took a look at the note. It seemed to be a short love letter of some kind but it wasn't signed by anyone. Feeling a bit surprised, Sakuraba smiled and said "Oh it's a love letter! Who gave that to you?"

Shin looked up at Sakuraba with a slightly confused look on his face.

"The girl who interviewed me yesterday gave me this at the end of the interview. The one who interviewed one player from each team in preparation for the Kantou tournament. Sakuraba, what should I do with it?"

"Umm, I guess that depends on what you think about her, do you like her?"

Shin hesitated for a moment and somehow that made Sakuraba feel a bit uneasy, even though he was fairly sure Shin would say that he didn't.

"I don't know her" was Shin's reply.

"Yeah, I know, but… do you think you would like her? Do you think she is cute? Would you like to go out with her? That is probably what she wants to do, since she gave you that note."

Shin shrugged.

"I don't know what kind of person she is since I don't know her. Go out with her, what does that imply?" Sakuraba looked at the note again. It was written on pink paper with a purple pen and telling by how it was written, he was quite sure that this wasn't the kind of girl Shin would get along well with.

"Oh, just spend time together, talking to each other, kissing…" he replied. "Is that something you would like to do?"

"I don't know", Shin stated. "I have never kissed anyone so I don't know what it's like".

Sakuraba felt himself blushing slightly for some strange reason.

"So would you like to?" he said. "Kiss somebody?"

"I think so", Shin replied. "Since it's something I haven't done."

"But I really don't think you should go out with her just to get to kiss somebody" Sakuraba said quickly. "She might think that you like her and since there is a possibility that you won't like her, it would not be fair to her". He spoke a little louder than he had intended, but Shin didn't seem like he had noticed. Sakuraba wasn't exactly sure why, but he really didn't want Shin to go on a date with this girl. It wasn't just because he was afraid that she would get hurt since a lot of people went out with people that they didn't have strong feelings for just for the fun of it, and there was no real harm in that either. He was also quite certain that this girl didn't expect Shin to have fallen in love with her that quickly, she might not even be that serious about it herself.

"If you want to try to kiss somebody, you should kiss a girl who you know doesn't have any such feelings for you since then there is no risk that she would get hurt" he added, trying to get what he'd said earlier to make sense.

The door opened suddenly and a lady from the cleaning staff entered. Sakuraba and Shin hurriedly collected their things and made their way out of the gym and started walking their way home.

Sakuraba noticed Shin looking at him thoughtfully and felt himself hoping that he would agree to not go out with the girl. He wondered to himself what would happen if he did do it. He couldn't imagine Shin falling in love with anybody, but what if it _did_ happen. He tried to picture Shin together with a girl, and felt a sudden tightness in his stomach. No, he really hoped that Shin wouldn't do it.

"Sakuraba…" Shin said and Sakuraba almost jumped, being immersed in thought. He looked at Shin who was still looking at him thoughtfully.

"Sakuraba, would it be okay if I kissed _you_?" Sakuraba let out a small gasp of surprise, not realizing that he'd been holding his breath.

"You said it would be best with someone I know doesn't like me in that way", Shin continued. "And I know that you don't because you're a guy. And if you did like me anyways, you would have told me."

Sakuraba felt himself blush wildly. "I guess you're right" he mumbled.

Shin suddenly took a different turn into an alleyway leading from the main street and Sakuraba followed. It had already become dark outside and there was a light rain, so there weren't many people out on the streets at the time and the alleyway itself was empty.

"Have you kissed anyone before?" Shin asked and Sakuraba shook his head, not certain of what it would sound like if he actually tried to speak. Shin stopped somewhere in the middle of the alleyway and turned his eyes towards Sakuraba.

_I can't believe that he's actually going to kiss me,_ Sakuraba thought. _And I'm actually letting him. But he only wants to kiss me because he is certain that I don't like him, so if I let him do this, I can never ever tell him. _He swallowed and looked into Shin's eyes which were fixed upon his. _Hell, it's worth it,_ Sakuraba thought.

As Shin leaned closer to him, Sakuraba closed his eyes instinctively. He could feel Shin's breath on his lips and a burning sensation rushed along his spine.

"Sakuraba…" Shin said suddenly with a low voice and Sakuraba hastily opened his eyes again. Shin stood really close to him, he could even feel the warmth of his body although they weren't touching and Sakuraba felt himself shudder slightly.

"This feels a bit strange", Shin continued but he didn't move away. "Almost like I've just run a 40 yard dash."

Having opened his eyes, Shin was oh so close to him now so Sakuraba couldn't really process what he had just said.

"Just do it" he breathed instead and Shin moved towards him. He had expected Shin to kiss him on the lips but he suddenly felt quite nervous when Shin approached him with slightly parted lips and eyes open and quickly closed his own again. It was strangely warm and soft and Sakuraba got a bit lost in the moment, deepened the kiss and without really being aware of it put his arms around Shin's neck, drawing him closer. It felt like forever but it was probably only a few seconds before Shin abruptly took a step back.

The dazeness wore off and Sakuraba felt quite embarrassed when he realised what he had been doing with his hands – could that have been why Shin had moved back? He glanced over at him but Shin wasn't looking back and instead his eyes were fixed on the wall beside Sakuraba. He was also breathing quite shallowly but Sakuraba couldn't make out what he might be thinking. He desperately hoped that he hadn't taken it too far, that Shin hadn't noticed what he really felt.

"Um, thanks for trying this out with me, Sakuraba" Shin said suddenly. "I think I have to go now though, it's getting quite cold already".

Sakuraba definitely hadn't noticed the cold and it hadn't looked as though Shin had either, but now that he mentioned it, Sakuraba shuddered although it was probably more due to the lack of warmth in Shin's eyes than in the air.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title**: Now I can never ever tell him  
**Rating**: T (I think, I haven't really figured out the rating system yet but better to be on the safe side)  
**Pairings**: SakurabaxShin  
**Spoilers**: None really, yet anyway  
**Warnings**: Yaoi? Umm...  
**Comments**: Thanks so much for the reviews!! I didn't think I would get any so I'm really happy about getting some:D This felt very much like an in-between chapter so the third one will be uploaded very soon, I only have some minor changes to do on it, so I should be able to get it up within the next few days.

On his way home, Shin didn't even try to stay on the roofed sidewalks and ended up completely drenched as the rain continued to increase in strenght. He hadn't needed to think twice about running off like that because the alternative had been far far worse. He had no idea why it had turned out like it had. Kissing Sakuraba had not been all that different from how he had imagined it would be, just a bit more warm, soft and wet and Shin had been completely okay with that, A tiny bit of a longing feeling in his stomach but that might be normal for a kiss. It was supposed to feel different somehow, otherwise there would be no point to it. But then Sakuraba had put his arms around him – perhaps he had thought that Shin was expecting that because maybe that was what a kiss was supposed to be like to Sakuraba - and then that diffuse longing feeling suddenly transformed into something much more tangible. He quickly shook off the memory and increased his speed.

--

The next day, Sakuraba started walking to school about ten minutes later than he normally did, hoping that he would arrive a few minutes after class had already begun so he wouldn't need to talk to Shin. Even the idea of just meeting Shin again filled him with an impending sense of dread and he couldn't even imagine actually talking to him again.

Somehow his plan didn't work out the way he had intended and he strangely arrived to school a couple of minutes earlier than he usually did. Opening the door to the classroom, he quickly looked around, hoping that Shin would be absent. But of course he wasn't. He was sitting where he normally sat, the place in front of Sakuraba. Sakuraba took a deep breath and decided to act like nothing had happened. Moving to his own seat, he paused a moment beside Shin, mumbling "good morning". He received no reply and didn't look up to see if Shin had nodded towards him or not and instead hurried to sit down. Leaning his head on his hands, he wondered if the whole thing hadn't been a mistake. Would it really be worth it if it would be this awkward between him and Shin now? He sighed and let his mind wander back to yesterday, remembering warm lips on his and found a part of him thinking that no matter what happened from now on, it would have been worth it.

A voice calling his name drew him out from his fantasies and he looked up, blushing. Takami stood next to him, acting like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Sakuraba, I was thinking… since there's no practise today, do you want to do some catches after school, just the two of us?"

"Oh sure, that'd be fun, it's just what I need" Sakuraba said, feeling relieved. Now he wouldn't need to contemplate over whether he should walk home from school together with Shin or not because now he would have a good reason to stay behind. And since Shin probably heard him agreeing, he wouldn't read anything into it either.

"Great!" Takami smiled towards him and then hastily went back to his own seat as the teacher had just arrived, beginning the lesson. He started out with asking which people hadn't done their homework and Sakuraba was one of the people raising their hands, smiling apologetically. Sakuraba dared a glance at Shin, who seemed to have handed in his. He sighed again. He hadn't been able to get anything done last night and had instead spent the evening in front of the TV, dwelling on what had just happened.

--

Sakuraba didn't bother changing after his long and intense practise with Takami and instead decided to go straight home. He was thoroughly exhausted and just felt like going to bed as soon as he got home. Still, it had been a fun practise and the feeling of getting noticably better each time stayed with him. Takami had seemed to be enjoying himself aswell, suggesting that they'd do this again soon and Sakuraba had readily agreed. If they were to continue practising like this, even if he would still never be nowhere near Shin's level, he would at least be able to keep his promise with Torakichi. When he turned around the last corner before the main gate, he was surprised to see Shin standing there, his back leaning against the brick wall.

"Shin! What are you still doing here? School ended hours ago…" he exclaimed before thinking.

"I was at the gym", Shin nodded back towards the building,

"I see" Sakuraba said, smiling inwardly. Where else? He continued towards the gate and Shin walked beside him in silence. The atmosphere was very tense in the beginning with neither of them saying anything but the further away from school they walked, the more it seemed to ease up and Sakuraba started talking about something he'd seen on the news yesterday and Shin commented occasionally. Sakuraba held his breath when they passed the alleyway but Shin didn't seem to react. When they were closing in on Sakuraba's home, it almost felt like nothing in particular had happened the day before. It made Sakuraba feel relieved but at the same time a little empty aswell. With everything pretty much back to normal, it was almost as though it had never happened. He wanted it to have meant something, good or bad or at least that it would have affected Shin in some way but it almost didn't seem like it. Was it possible that Shin had gotten over the initial awkwardness of kissing Sakuraba and had put it behind him this quickly? As for himself, he couldn't even glance at Shin without thinking back to that moment and blushing wildly. It was fine as long as he stared down into the street as they talked, but…

"See you tomorrow Sakuraba!" Shin waved at him and continued towards his own home. Sakuraba couldn't take his eyes off his back as he walked away, feeling a sudden sadness well up inside. So it was probably over now, and they would continue to be friends like before, Sakuraba stealing glances at him whenever he thought Shin wasn't looking and touching him a bit longer than necessary when he could – although he would have to be more careful now – and Shin would remain oblivious to his feelings, or maybe he _did_ know but chose to ignore it to not embarrass Sakuraba, and he might even choose to date that girl. Sakuraba blinked away the tears that threatened to fill his eyes and felt sorry for himself. He wouldn't even be able to ask about that girl now because it would seem suspicious. Suddenly Shin turned and looked around and Sakuraba quickly opened up the postbox, acting as though he was looking inside it, searching for something. When he finally dared to look up again, Shin had disappeared around a corner.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title**: Now I can never ever tell him  
**Rating**: T (I think, I haven't really figured out the rating system yet but better to be on the safe side)  
**Pairings**: SakurabaxShin  
**Spoilers**: For volume 24-25 ish  
**Warnings**: Yaoi? Umm...  
**Comments**: The next chapter :) Thankful for reviews!

Sakuraba sighed as he let his eyes wander over Shin's back the next day at school. It had been an awfully uneventful day and he was already missing the tension between them that had been there the previous day.

The day seemed to take ages and Sakuraba seriously considered skipping the afternoon but decided against it since he didn't want to miss after-school practise. During lunch, he suddenly remembered the homework he was supposed to have done for the last lecture that day and trying to get it done while listening halfheartedly to the lectures beforehand actually made the day pass by a bit faster.

It was rather cold and windy out on the field as they gathered there after the last lesson but the coach declared that since there hadn't been any practise yesterday, today's would be twice as long. The first half of it was like usual – some warming up and then they split up and did different exercises based on their positions in the team and at the end some 40 yard dashes to see to that they were still keeping up with the same time. It felt easier to run than before so Sakuraba was a bit surprised to see that it wasn't actually any faster. For the second part, the coach asked them to split up into offense and defense and to have a practise match to try out some new strategies and ideas Takami had come up with. Sakuraba felt a bit nervous because that meant that they were trying out the Everest pass for the first time and although he felt pretty certain that by the time of the next actual game, he would have improved enough to be able to catch it at least most of the time, he wasn't really at that level yet and was only able to catch it about 30 of the times when they had tried it out before, and that was when noone was chasing him, trying to get the ball. He cast a look at the coach who nodded towards him. "I know you haven't mastered it yet Sakuraba, but this will be good practise for you. You can't expect to have any success with it against another team if you don't try it out like this first. Sakuraba looked down onto the ground, knowing that he was right – but still wishing that this had come one, or maybe two, practise sessions later instead of now. He felt Shin's eyes on him and swallowed. He had to try to not be aware of him right now, because then he would definitely not be able to catch it. It had worked fine for the first half of the practise session because Shin had been on the other side of the field, doing other things, but it was different now. He knew that it would probably end up being Shin who would be chasing him and trying to get the ball. He bit down on his lower lip and tried to clear his head, keeping it blank. Tried to focus on the ball.

As they took up their positions, Takami turned around to smile at him. "This will go just great", he said reassuringly. "Just remember the things we did yesterday and you'll be fine."

Sakuraba gave a half smile in return, not feeling very convinced.

He was heavily marked in the beginning since the defending team knew what Takami had in mind and during the first quarter there wasn't one single chance for Takami to throw the high pass. Sakuraba felt a bit impatient about that even though he was also relieved. It would have been better to get it over with quickly. During the second quarter, the defending team successively dropped their attention on him – probably because they wanted to see what Takami had in mind. As they never switched sides between offense and defense, they would only play two quarters. Almost ten minutes into the second quarter, Takami covertly touched Sakuraba on the arm as they moved to take up positions for the next play. Sakuraba knew what it meant. This time he would most likely get to try it out, if Takami had read the other players correctly.

As the ball was thrown to Takami, Sakuraba sped up and ran past the defending team as fast as he could, counting the seconds until he knew Takami would throw. As that point in time got nearer, he knew Shin was right behind him, could hear his steps on the grass getting closer and closer. A fleeting look behind him told him that the ball would be there any second now and he quickly turned around and jumped up high to catch it. Shin was right in front of him as he jumped but Sakuraba managed to focus on the ball and could feel it under his fingertips. He was really close to losing his grip on it but managed to secure it during the last fraction of that second but had to extend his hands too far back to be able to make a good landing. Shin took advantage of that and threw himself at him, his hands on the ball before Sakuraba had managed to make contact with the ground but not quite managing to snatch it from him. As he landed on his back, Sakuraba cast a look at Shin's face through the helmet and realised that Shin wasn't looking at the ball like he had predicted. He was looking directly at him. A surge of electricity spread through Sakuraba and he couldn't tear his eyes away. There was an odd look in Shin's eyes – he looked hesitant and almost a bit scared, although that couldn't be the case. He was panting slightly and Sakuraba could feel his warm breath on his face though his helmet. This felt… almost like back then. Except that this time, Shin was almost lying on top of him and Sakuraba could feel the pressure of his body on his torso, his stomach and his groin. He felt his cheeks redden and his body temperature raising. The sounds around them seemed to get duller until one sharp voice pierced through the haze.

"Sakuraba! Shin! What the hell are you two doing? Get up from there!" They were on their feet again almost instantly, Shin quickly letting go of the ball. Sakuraba could see the coach at the corner of his eyes but he didn't dare to look at him. Keeping his eyes downward, he tried to fight down the blush and to get his facial expression under control. Before he got a chance to say anything, the coach continued in an angry voice "Nah, we're wrapping up this now – go and get changed everyone! And Sakuraba – you pick up the equipment and bring it to the shed! I'm sick of people not trying their best so we'll continue this sometime when you two choose to do that. Now, ten laps before you gather up the gear. And that goes for you too, Shin!"

Being too embarrassed to even reflect on the critique, Sakuraba, still keeping his head down, took off his helmet and immediately started running along the edge of the field while the rest of the team disappeared towards the dressing rooms. Sakuraba breathed a sigh of relief when the coach headed for the building together with the rest of the team – he wouldn't stay to check on them. Making no effort to run especially fast, he hoped that his teammates would all be done when he got back as he didn't feel very inclined to meet them sooner than he had to.

When he finally finished all the laps, he felt somewhat more collected. Thinking back to what had happened and how it must have looked to the others – it had felt like only a second but it must've taken a longer time – still made his cheeks flare but he tried his best not to think about it. Scanning his surroundings, he noticed that Shin had gathered more than half of the equipment and was waiting for him on the side of the field, also keeping his gaze towards the ground. Sakuraba collected the last of the things and they slowly made their way towards the main building.

Reaching the shed in the corridor next to the one that kept the changing rooms, Sakuraba flicked the light switch and a dim glow spread in the room but it was still rather dusky inside. Shutting the door behind them, he began arranging the training equipment like it was supposed to be and Shin did the same. Having properly placed everything back on their shelves, he turned towards Shin, not really knowing what he should say. Starting to open his mouth, Shin cut him off.

"Sakuraba, I'm really sorry."

"What?" He was taken aback by surprise. He hadn't expected Shin to say something first and definitely not this.

"It was completely my fault," Shin continued. "I should have gotten up faster, then you wouldn't have been yelled at."

" Eheh, that's okay, I'm always yelled at, you know" Sakuraba said, smiling and finally daring to look at Shin, glad that the silence had been broken. Shin looked up at him with a serious expression on his face.

"No, really, I mean it, I'm sorry. I should have told the coach that it was my fault only but I just…" His voice trailed off.

"Um, it's okay, I understand," Sakuraba said hurriedly. "I'm fine with it…, after all I did catch that pass," he continued after a while, smiling.

"Yeah, yes you did. You have really gotten better, Sakuraba" Shin was still looking very serious and it made Sakuraba feel somewhat awkward. They were silent for another minute or so until Shin continued. "It only felt like a second or so, I can't believe he said that."

"Umm, yeah, it was the same for me," Sakuraba leaned back towards the table that was standing alongside one of the walls in the shed. Shin cast a look behind him and then rested his back against the lockers on the opposite side of the dimly lit room.

"I just started thinking about…" He turned his gaze towards the floor again. "Sakuraba, are you okay with what happened the day before yesterday?"

Sakuraba flinched. That was _not_ what he had expected Shin to say. "Ehm… ye- yeah, I guess so."

"It was just a kiss, right?" Shin actually looked quite nervous now and it made Sakuraba feel more confident. "Yeah," he replied. "And a rather short one too," he continued, smiling. Shin looked up and glanced at Sakuraba. "Was it?"

"Yeah, it was."

"Was it too short? I mean, I wanted to know what a kiss was like," Shin continued in an unsteady voice. Sakuraba drew a sharp breath. What was he supposed to say now? A million things swirled through his mind. His mouth felt dry and his heartbeat pounded in his ears.

"I… um, I don't know… we could always do it again if you want to?"

There, he had said it. He tore his eyes away from Shin, looking at a spot on the locker beside him but not really seeing it. He waited in anticipation for the reply and the seconds drew out and felt like hours. When no reply came, he looked up at Shin whose eyes were still fixed on him and swallowed. "I mean, only if you want to, either is fine with me".

"…okay", Shins reply was nothing more than a whisper. Sakuraba felt himself blushing again and he was thankful that it was so dark inside the room. Shin still didn't move an inch so Sakuraba took the few steps that separated them and leaned down, closing his eyes as he did so. He could hear Shin's ragged breathing and wet his lips before letting them touch his. It was just as he remembered from before, only much more intense. His heartbeat quickly sped up and a warmth spread through his body and he couldn't help himself – he leaned in closer so that his body was pressed up against Shin, feeling very light-headed now and more than a little dizzy. Shin made a muffled sound, but he didn't move away or push him off. The feeling inside him grew and he couldn't even think now. Tilting his head more to the side, he opened his mouth and ran his tongue across Shin's lips and then pushed it inside. There was no real taste, just something that made him want more, much more and without thinking, he put one hand on the back of Shin's neck and the other around his waist. Shin's tongue was touching his now and he instinctively moved even closer, pressing himself against Sakuraba, and sneaking his arms around him, almost making Sakuraba moan. He stuck his hand underneath Shin's team jersey, feeling his warm skin at the gaps between the protective plates and Shin shuddered. The electric feeling from before had him fully enveloped now and his legs felt weak. One of Shin's hands found its way into his hair and gripped it tight. As Sakuraba ground against him once more, Shin made a nearly inaudible moan and then, suddenly – a bright light fell upon them.

Moving faster than ever before, they were standing at least two metres apart an instant later. Sakuraba raised his hand to shield his eyes from the light and looking at the door, he could see the shocked faces of the people standing there. Takami at the front with Ootawara right beside him and Ikari and several of the other team mates were also visible behind them and there was no doubt that they had seen way too much judging from their facial expressions.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title**: Now I can never ever tell him  
**Rating**: T (I think, I haven't really figured out the rating system yet but better to be on the safe side)  
**Pairings**: SakurabaxShin  
**Spoilers**: For volume 24-25 ish  
**Warnings**: Yaoi? Umm...  
**Comments**: Finally the next chapter, it's taken quite some time and it's not even that long, I hope you'll like it though :) Thankful for reviews!

Sakuraba didn't even dare to breathe nor tear his eyes away from the faces of the people standing in the doorway. Complete silence reigned over the room for a moment before it was broken by Ootawara's violent laughter.

"Bwahahaha!! This was definitely _not _what I expected of Shin! And with _Sakuraba_, I almost can't believe this! Ahahaha!!"

Sakuraba quickly scanned the other faces in the crowd and it seemed like Ootawara had been the first to come to his senses for once as the others with the exception of Ikari were still just staring with wide eyes. Ikari didn't look surprised anymore, he was scowling.

"Shut up Ootawara, there's nothing funny about this, it's downright disgusting!" he sputtered. As his eyes closed in on Shin, he looked almost hateful. "I don't care if you're the best player we have, I'll go talk to the coach right now and make sure you get suspended from the team immidiately, I'd never play on the same team as the likes of you!" The last sentence was more of a growl than speech and Ikari quickly turned around and moved down the hallway with a couple of people in tow, fuming. Sakuraba swallowed and turned to look at Shin, but he had already started to push his way out of the room, running after Ikari. As they disappeared around a corner, Sakuraba felt everyone's eyes directed at him and he bowed his head down, blushing. So it would be over now? Now they'd never get to play football again? His eyes started to dampen with that possible prospect aswell as embarrassment. Then Takami stepped into the room.

"We were just coming to collect the videos we taped during the spring tournament to go over a few things…" His voice was stern. Making Sakuraba feel even more miserable. Taking the videos from a shelf, Takami handed them to Nekoyama. "Here, you go and start watching these, I'll be right there." Nekoyama looked a bit startled.

"But, what about Ikari…?" Takami didn't reply and instead pulled the door to the shed shut ad turned to face Sakuraba.

Sakuraba couldn't bring himself to look up. Instead, he bit down on his lip to stop it from shaking and braced himself for what he might hear. Takami moved closer to him.

"Sakuraba, will this affect your performance in the games?"

Sakuraba blinked. "Ehm, no, of course not" he managed to say with an unsteady voice and looked up at Takami whose harsh facial expression suddenly melted into a smile. Placing his hand on Sakuraba's shoulder and squeezing it, he continued "Then I'm happy for you." Feeling a bit overwhelmed, Sakuraba couldn't bring himself to say anything back so he remained silent and motionless until Takami picked up a few additional video tapes from a shelf and moved towards the door. "Sakuraba, don't worry so much about Ikari, it'll work out somehow", he said before walking out and closing the door behind him, leaving Sakuraba all by himself.

It took a minute or so until everything had sunk in and Sakuraba slid down until he was sitting on the floor, his face covered in his hands. How could it have turned out like this? He should have been more careful. Going through the event in his mind, focusing on all the details that could have made the outcome a lot different, he remained in the shed for the better part of an hour. When he finally had gathered enough courage to get changed and step outside to go home, he desperately hoped that Takami would be right about Ikari and the others, although he had no idea how that could possibly happen. He would be lucky if Shin didn't hate him by tomorrow for placing them in such a situation. Still, Shin had kissed him back this time and it couldn't just have been Sakuraba's imagination that he hadn't seemed to entirely dislike it like last time.

He didn't run into any of his teammates on his way home which was probably just as well although he half hoped that Shin would have been waiting for him.

When he entered the classroom the next day, everyone's whispered conversations suddenly ceased and faces turned to look at him. He could hear some girls giggling from a couple of rows behind him and he tried desperately to keep his face expressionless as he sat down on his chair and hurriedly pulled up a textbook from his bag, pretending to read in it. Glancing over the pages, he could see Ikari looking at him with a frown and he hurriedly looked down into his book again. Shin entered a couple of minutes later but Sakuraba didn't look up to see anyone's reactions and he was thankful when the lesson finally started.

Remaining in his seat during the short breaks, he hoped that he would be able to get through the day without any interactions but when the teacher announced that it was lunchtime and exited the room, he saw feet moving to stand in front of his desk and looked up. Ikari looked down at him. "Shin told me all about it", he said simply. "I sure as hell don't approve but I guess it means that you can stay on the team. Good for you that he caught up with me before I told the coach, then you would have had some more difficult explaining to do."

He didn't even wait for Sakuraba's reply and instead hurried out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Gazing through the room, Sakuraba realised that he was the only one left in there and he let out a loud sigh, sloping down in his seat. He had no idea what Shin had told Ikari but it could definitely not have been the truth. Nevertheless, he couldn't forgive himself for not locking the door or something and he let his mind wander, thinking about what might have happened if they hadn't been discovered when they were.

It was with a heavy heart that Sakuraba turned towards the practise field that afternoon. Shin had been avoiding him the entire day and even though Sakuraba had really wanted to ask about Ikari, he hadn't gotten a chance to. He expected the practise session to be one long torment, but his teammates only cast him one or two odd looks and then mostly acted like nothing was out of the ordinary although they kept their distance. This made Sakuraba a lot more relaxed – maybe things weren't so bad after all – and he actually managed to improve himself further with the catches during the practise, earning some praise from the coach for trying harder.

He wanted to go and talk to Shin after the practise had ended but Takami motioned for him to stay behind.


End file.
